"No, no. I have been practicing...I bowled a 129. It's like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something." --making an off-hand joke during an appearance on "The Tonight Show", March 19, 2009 (Obama later called the head of the Special Olympics to apologize)
"I didn't want to get into a Nancy Reagan thing about doing any seances." --after saying he had spoken with all the living presidents as he prepared to take office, Washington, D.C., Nov. 7, 2008 (Obama later called Nancy Reagan to apologize)
"It's not surprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations." --explaining his troubles winning over some working-class voters
I am ever grateful for President Barack Obama. I cast my absentee ballot in New York with nothing but pride. I would be d*mned if I registered in buttf*ck Georgia. I'd rather cast a vote in a state the Prez was going to win rather than waste my time in that backwards *ss state like my classmates.
President appeals to the younger generation. In an effort to avoid using the Negro term "swagger," Obama embodies a suave confidence that escapes most politicians. He brings an honesty that escape all politicians.
A sometimes brutal, most times humorous honesty.
To me and many my age.
And that's the problem, because President Barack Obama is changing the social more concerning humor and turning us all into *ssholes. Consider some of the sh*t he has said above: while mass media has deemed many of this impromptu comments and jokes as inappropriate, I'm sure the masses think he is f*cking hilarious.
Yes I think most Americans are inappropriate. I think the human race is the most disrespectful species on the face of this planet. Deep down, everyone of us has a sick sense of humor that some felt obligated to keep hidden from the public.
That is until President Barack Obama took office.
Now we have analyst attempting to criticize the President, while lowkey admitting that they understand where he is coming from. I understand that we should be open and honest, be we are becoming jerks. You don't think it's a coincidence that "I'm A Jerk" and jerking is so popular?
Again, I do not believe that President Obama is turning us into jerks. We existed long before America even existed. Even now, there will always be a Republican or social conservative that claims higher moral ground right before they meet with their mistress(es). I do believe that our kind is becoming more tolerated, maybe even accepted.
Now I just hope I can still get a job.
Showing posts with label iShotgun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label iShotgun. Show all posts
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Justice Must Be Served
I'm from NY, so I've seen a lot of f*cked up sh*t. I've seen enough to know it isn't something to brag about, especially when you get numb to it. Very little can bring out a lot of emotion in me: I see ignorant sh*t, SMH and keep it moving.
But this...
This has me twisted.
This isn't television. This is a young man who was beaten senseless and discarded like trash. WTF?
Just... post this and get the word out. Help ensure justice is served for that nigga and that all those f*ckers pay for letting that happen.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Yeah so...
I have two blogs. Don't like it: go kick rocks. One of my homegirls says go kick rocks without socks on but I don't give a f*ck how you do it.
Http://irideshotgun.blogspot.com is my blog for the random thoughts that spring out of my sick and twisted mind. Okay I'm really not as bad of a guy I hope you think I am, and if you take some time out of your day to read some of my posts you will learn that.
Http://shotgunnoblitz.tumblr.com is a blog for pics, vids and interesting tidbits of life and the web I stumble across. I have set it so you can add stuff yourself. So if there is random artwork or quotes or whatever you want to showcase, post it. My gift to you.
I'm also testing out the emailing systems for both blogs. This better work or I'm tweeting about how one or both of these blogs are full of sh*t.
Sent from Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Hater Mode
"I am for all intents and purposes a hater, but this self awareness and acceptance of my status adds some validity and comedy to my comments."
I tweeted that a few days ago. I believe it is IMPOSSIBLE to refrain from hating. Jesus Christ hated, when all those people were selling stuff in the temple he broke alllll that sh*t up. He was knocking their hustles, ie hating. Them Pharisees were hating on Jesus when they got all the people to choose to crucify Jesus Christ. If my Lord and Savior could get killed because of haters, no one else has any hope.
I embrace my hater mode though. I'm not equating myself with the running the devil out of church like Jesus did, or them b*tches that had him killed. I'm just a homie that talks a lot sh*t and has the audacity to think it doesn't stink.
Haters are actually a necessary evil, kind of like conservatives. They keep you on your toes and prevent you from slipping. One screw up and your name is slandered all around school, town, and/or the internet.
There is a difference between constructive criticism, which we all truly need, and hating. I embrace MY hating, because it comes from a humorous and humble place. I'm not hating because I think I'm better than anyone. I do think no one is better than me, and we're all liable to get some scrutiny from time to time.
But beware my hater mode...
I tweeted that a few days ago. I believe it is IMPOSSIBLE to refrain from hating. Jesus Christ hated, when all those people were selling stuff in the temple he broke alllll that sh*t up. He was knocking their hustles, ie hating. Them Pharisees were hating on Jesus when they got all the people to choose to crucify Jesus Christ. If my Lord and Savior could get killed because of haters, no one else has any hope.
I embrace my hater mode though. I'm not equating myself with the running the devil out of church like Jesus did, or them b*tches that had him killed. I'm just a homie that talks a lot sh*t and has the audacity to think it doesn't stink.
Haters are actually a necessary evil, kind of like conservatives. They keep you on your toes and prevent you from slipping. One screw up and your name is slandered all around school, town, and/or the internet.
There is a difference between constructive criticism, which we all truly need, and hating. I embrace MY hating, because it comes from a humorous and humble place. I'm not hating because I think I'm better than anyone. I do think no one is better than me, and we're all liable to get some scrutiny from time to time.
But beware my hater mode...
Monday, August 17, 2009
Shotgun Rules
I am from New York City, so it is pretty acceptable for me to not have a driver's license. Unfortunately I went to a college in Atlanta, in which it is ABSOLUTELY necessary to know how to drive before you know how to walk. SMH
I did have some great friends from ATL and abroad with licenses, cars, and good hearts. Because I was not the only carless soul at Emory, I became very acquainted with the shotgun rules. I take them serious, and if you have have the misfortune of needing a ride from me, you better know these sh*ts back and forth.
Section I - General Rules
1) The first person to yell "SHOTGUN" gets to ride in the front seat.
2) The remaining back seats may be divvied up in the same manner by being the first to call "back right seat", etc…
3) The word "shotgun" must be loud enough to be heard by at least one witness. If no witness is to be found, or in case of a tie, the driver has the final word. After all, it is most likely his car. (Note: if it isn't his car, and the owner is present, the owner's decision is final. Owner must be sober, however, or he will defer his judgment to the driver.)
4) Early calls are strictly prohibited. All occupants of the vehicle (including the driver) must be outside of the building and directly on the way to the vehicle before shotgun may be called. Under no circumstances may a person call shotgun inside a building. For sake of simplicity, a garage is considered to be outside. Parking structures and detached garages are always considered as being outdoors, even if they are underground.
5) A person may only call shotgun for one way of a trip. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one cannot get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.
6) Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as women to the front seat of the car. THEREFORE women don't own the front seat.
7) One is allowed to ride shotgun as many times as he can call it, but for himself only. No one can call shotgun for their slower friend, unless the friend has a speech or mental handicap that prevents them from calling it for themselves. (I’m not as understanding…)
8) The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.
Section II - Special Cases
These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.
1) In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.
2) If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
3) In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
4) In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.
5) In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline.
6) In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three hour trip with him crammed in the back.
Section III - Amendments
Amendment I: The Laser / Shotgun Double Barrel Rule
A person may call "laser" or "Shotgun Double Barrel" after shotgun has been called, to override the shotgun call. This is only valid if the driver verifies the call as we see in Section 1.3.
Additionally, any passenger who says "No Blitz" after claiming shotgun, may not have it taken away by either the "Laser" or "Double Barrel" rules.
These rules hold no precedence over Standard shotgun procedure, and the driver has final say in all calls.
Amendment II: The Specific Amendment
Any person who wishes to claim shotgun must actually pronounce either the word "Shotgun" or "Gun." One may not say the name of a type of shotgun, such as "12 Gauge." If a passenger does, then he or she can lay no claim on shotgun, and may be called by another person.
Amendment III: The "House" Rule
The Owner of the vehicle decides which Shotgun Amendments to institute on his own car. All passengers must abide by the rules of these Amendments, which are stated in this document. This Amendment clarifies that not all Amendments need be active at any given time.
Amendment IV: Eviction
If the vehicle is forced to stop for a serious infraction of the Shotgunner, the Shotgunner must relinquish his/her seat, if the driver so wishes.
Serious infractions have been known to include spilling alcoholic beverages, spilling any beverage, being annoying, breaking parts of the car, and in extreme cases, just being ugly.
Amendment V: Navigator
The passenger who has shotgun MUST serve as Navigator. By this, he must watch out for signs and intersections that the driver may miss during the course of a road trip. The Navigator must also ask for directions out the window.
It is also the job of the Navigator to throw all trash and empty beer bottles out of the window. The beer bottles must be crushed under the tires to destroy all evidence, in case of an emergency situation.
In addition, the Navigator must possess the ability and the will to insult other drivers and be heard, only if they deserve it (ie: being cut off). This is to allow the driver to continue to operate the vehicle properly.
The Navigator must possess the ability (and the will) to roll down their window and invite any chicks in adjacent cars to the driver's destination.
The Navigator must not touch the radio or air-conditioning, especially in the case of Black men.
Amendment VI: Secondary Passenger
If a passenger is "just along for the ride," then they must sit in the back seat (or worst seat, if the car is otherwise full), because the ride is not for them.
Amendment VII: Double Shotgun
This rule from Delaware states that if a given passenger calls a valid "shotgun", then he or she may not say "shotgun" again. By calling "shotgun" a second time, he or she would automatically forfeit their seat and shotgun is reopened to the other passengers.
Other passengers are allowed to try to trick the person who originally says "shotgun" into saying it again, in order to claim shotgun for themselves.
Amendment VIII: No Bitch
This rule states that once Shotgun has been called by one of the passengers, the remaining passengers may call, "No Bitch." The passenger who calls "No Bitch" last, or fails to call it at all, is forced to ride bitch.
Amendment IX: Seniority
In the instance that one of the passengers is much older than the rest of the passengers, he/she is automatically given Shotgun unless they decline.
Amendment X: Context
A passenger may only receive shotgun if he says shotgun within the context of calling shotgun. For instance, a passenger may not be awarded shotgun if he says, "Did anybody call shotgun?," or if he/she was talking about a shotgun.
Amendment XI: Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Section II, Article 3 of the Constitution states that , "In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline." In addition, serious Boy/Girl friends should also receive preferential treatment in regards to shotgun.
Amendment XII: The Couples Rule
In the event that a couple is traveling together, they must both sit together in either the front or back seat. This is so that people without boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes, can talk amongst themselves in the hope of acquiring boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes.
This rule however is null and void if the The No Chauffeur / Compulsory Shotgun Rule is in effect.
Amendment XIII: Abandonment
If the Shotgun occupant leaves the vehicle (even if they plan to come back), the Shotgun seat is up for grabs. One exception is if the Shotgun rider leaves to do a deed for the driver, like buying cigarettes or pumping gas. In those cases, that person retains their Shotgun rights.
Amendment XIV: The Handicapped
Section II, Article 6 states that preferential shotgun treatment may be offered to anyone "too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat". Preferential treatment should be awarded to the handicapped as well as to these genetic misfits, especially if the injury prevents them from achieving maximum leg room, maneuverability, etc. (as might be the case with a broken leg, foot, etc.) Unlike with Section II, Article 6, however, the handicapped are not to be taunted as with the genetic misfits if not awarded shotgun. Otherwise, taunting is okay.
Amendment XV: The Bribery Amendment
In the event that the shotgun call ends up in a tie between two passengers, the passengers in the tie may attempt to bribe the driver so that the driver makes the call in their favor.
Amendment XVI: The Full View Amendment
The automobile must be in full view of all passengers before "Shotgun" may be called.
Amendment XVII: Hand On The Shotgun Door
Shotgun can no longer be called once someone's hand is holding the shotgun door handle. This is significant when nobody else is around to hear you call shotgun.
Amendment XVIII: Sitting Down
By sitting in the Shotgun seat before anyone has called it, you get to stay there even if somebody calls it afterwards. Nobody needs to hear you actually call shotgun.
Source: http://www.bored.com/shotgunguide/index.htm
I did have some great friends from ATL and abroad with licenses, cars, and good hearts. Because I was not the only carless soul at Emory, I became very acquainted with the shotgun rules. I take them serious, and if you have have the misfortune of needing a ride from me, you better know these sh*ts back and forth.
Section I - General Rules
1) The first person to yell "SHOTGUN" gets to ride in the front seat.
2) The remaining back seats may be divvied up in the same manner by being the first to call "back right seat", etc…
3) The word "shotgun" must be loud enough to be heard by at least one witness. If no witness is to be found, or in case of a tie, the driver has the final word. After all, it is most likely his car. (Note: if it isn't his car, and the owner is present, the owner's decision is final. Owner must be sober, however, or he will defer his judgment to the driver.)
4) Early calls are strictly prohibited. All occupants of the vehicle (including the driver) must be outside of the building and directly on the way to the vehicle before shotgun may be called. Under no circumstances may a person call shotgun inside a building. For sake of simplicity, a garage is considered to be outside. Parking structures and detached garages are always considered as being outdoors, even if they are underground.
5) A person may only call shotgun for one way of a trip. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one cannot get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.
6) Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as women to the front seat of the car. THEREFORE women don't own the front seat.
7) One is allowed to ride shotgun as many times as he can call it, but for himself only. No one can call shotgun for their slower friend, unless the friend has a speech or mental handicap that prevents them from calling it for themselves. (I’m not as understanding…)
8) The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.
Section II - Special Cases
These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.
1) In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.
2) If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
3) In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
4) In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.
5) In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline.
6) In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three hour trip with him crammed in the back.
Section III - Amendments
Amendment I: The Laser / Shotgun Double Barrel Rule
A person may call "laser" or "Shotgun Double Barrel" after shotgun has been called, to override the shotgun call. This is only valid if the driver verifies the call as we see in Section 1.3.
Additionally, any passenger who says "No Blitz" after claiming shotgun, may not have it taken away by either the "Laser" or "Double Barrel" rules.
These rules hold no precedence over Standard shotgun procedure, and the driver has final say in all calls.
Amendment II: The Specific Amendment
Any person who wishes to claim shotgun must actually pronounce either the word "Shotgun" or "Gun." One may not say the name of a type of shotgun, such as "12 Gauge." If a passenger does, then he or she can lay no claim on shotgun, and may be called by another person.
Amendment III: The "House" Rule
The Owner of the vehicle decides which Shotgun Amendments to institute on his own car. All passengers must abide by the rules of these Amendments, which are stated in this document. This Amendment clarifies that not all Amendments need be active at any given time.
Amendment IV: Eviction
If the vehicle is forced to stop for a serious infraction of the Shotgunner, the Shotgunner must relinquish his/her seat, if the driver so wishes.
Serious infractions have been known to include spilling alcoholic beverages, spilling any beverage, being annoying, breaking parts of the car, and in extreme cases, just being ugly.
Amendment V: Navigator
The passenger who has shotgun MUST serve as Navigator. By this, he must watch out for signs and intersections that the driver may miss during the course of a road trip. The Navigator must also ask for directions out the window.
It is also the job of the Navigator to throw all trash and empty beer bottles out of the window. The beer bottles must be crushed under the tires to destroy all evidence, in case of an emergency situation.
In addition, the Navigator must possess the ability and the will to insult other drivers and be heard, only if they deserve it (ie: being cut off). This is to allow the driver to continue to operate the vehicle properly.
The Navigator must possess the ability (and the will) to roll down their window and invite any chicks in adjacent cars to the driver's destination.
The Navigator must not touch the radio or air-conditioning, especially in the case of Black men.
Amendment VI: Secondary Passenger
If a passenger is "just along for the ride," then they must sit in the back seat (or worst seat, if the car is otherwise full), because the ride is not for them.
Amendment VII: Double Shotgun
This rule from Delaware states that if a given passenger calls a valid "shotgun", then he or she may not say "shotgun" again. By calling "shotgun" a second time, he or she would automatically forfeit their seat and shotgun is reopened to the other passengers.
Other passengers are allowed to try to trick the person who originally says "shotgun" into saying it again, in order to claim shotgun for themselves.
Amendment VIII: No Bitch
This rule states that once Shotgun has been called by one of the passengers, the remaining passengers may call, "No Bitch." The passenger who calls "No Bitch" last, or fails to call it at all, is forced to ride bitch.
Amendment IX: Seniority
In the instance that one of the passengers is much older than the rest of the passengers, he/she is automatically given Shotgun unless they decline.
Amendment X: Context
A passenger may only receive shotgun if he says shotgun within the context of calling shotgun. For instance, a passenger may not be awarded shotgun if he says, "Did anybody call shotgun?," or if he/she was talking about a shotgun.
Amendment XI: Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Section II, Article 3 of the Constitution states that , "In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline." In addition, serious Boy/Girl friends should also receive preferential treatment in regards to shotgun.
Amendment XII: The Couples Rule
In the event that a couple is traveling together, they must both sit together in either the front or back seat. This is so that people without boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes, can talk amongst themselves in the hope of acquiring boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes.
This rule however is null and void if the The No Chauffeur / Compulsory Shotgun Rule is in effect.
Amendment XIII: Abandonment
If the Shotgun occupant leaves the vehicle (even if they plan to come back), the Shotgun seat is up for grabs. One exception is if the Shotgun rider leaves to do a deed for the driver, like buying cigarettes or pumping gas. In those cases, that person retains their Shotgun rights.
Amendment XIV: The Handicapped
Section II, Article 6 states that preferential shotgun treatment may be offered to anyone "too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat". Preferential treatment should be awarded to the handicapped as well as to these genetic misfits, especially if the injury prevents them from achieving maximum leg room, maneuverability, etc. (as might be the case with a broken leg, foot, etc.) Unlike with Section II, Article 6, however, the handicapped are not to be taunted as with the genetic misfits if not awarded shotgun. Otherwise, taunting is okay.
Amendment XV: The Bribery Amendment
In the event that the shotgun call ends up in a tie between two passengers, the passengers in the tie may attempt to bribe the driver so that the driver makes the call in their favor.
Amendment XVI: The Full View Amendment
The automobile must be in full view of all passengers before "Shotgun" may be called.
Amendment XVII: Hand On The Shotgun Door
Shotgun can no longer be called once someone's hand is holding the shotgun door handle. This is significant when nobody else is around to hear you call shotgun.
Amendment XVIII: Sitting Down
By sitting in the Shotgun seat before anyone has called it, you get to stay there even if somebody calls it afterwards. Nobody needs to hear you actually call shotgun.
Source: http://www.bored.com/shotgunguide/index.htm
And so it begins...
What it is folks?
I've done this blogging stuff before. I was pretty good at it as far as my ego is concerned...
Sh*t.
But I fell off because senior year of college was inconceivably, yet undeniably, fun. Sucks, but not really. I was blogging from a persona of mine: Cannon Ball. He was supposed to be a douche bag and say all the things I usually get in trouble for saying. Cannon Ball didn't do that very well though, mostly because *I* am already the best at what I do.
Allow me to reintroduce myself... my name is Josh. I am riding shotgun on my own life. Think about it though: you ever read that footprints poem where Jesus Christ picks up and carries the man through all the worst portions of his life? (If you haven't, look it up heathen.)
Well, I'm lazy enough to stay in His arms.
And seeing as how I live life in the fast lane, and prefer A/C when times get hot (and I'm notorious for calling shotgun), I rock with this metaphor.
Deep aren't I?
So I'll be blogging on all the stuff I see on my journey. Me, no persona no mask no bullsh*t. I got my Blackberry and Bud on deck so it should be a fun ride.
I've done this blogging stuff before. I was pretty good at it as far as my ego is concerned...
Sh*t.
But I fell off because senior year of college was inconceivably, yet undeniably, fun. Sucks, but not really. I was blogging from a persona of mine: Cannon Ball. He was supposed to be a douche bag and say all the things I usually get in trouble for saying. Cannon Ball didn't do that very well though, mostly because *I* am already the best at what I do.
Allow me to reintroduce myself... my name is Josh. I am riding shotgun on my own life. Think about it though: you ever read that footprints poem where Jesus Christ picks up and carries the man through all the worst portions of his life? (If you haven't, look it up heathen.)
Well, I'm lazy enough to stay in His arms.
And seeing as how I live life in the fast lane, and prefer A/C when times get hot (and I'm notorious for calling shotgun), I rock with this metaphor.
Deep aren't I?
So I'll be blogging on all the stuff I see on my journey. Me, no persona no mask no bullsh*t. I got my Blackberry and Bud on deck so it should be a fun ride.
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