"I shot the b*tch because she gave me HIV."
I'm not going to front: I've made this statement a million times. HOWEVER, I have never intended to do this because: 1. I'm never getting HIV/AIDS and 2. I'm not a killer.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong (08/29/09)
"I shot the b*tch because she gave me HIV."
I'm not going to front: I've made this statement a million times. HOWEVER, I have never intended to do this because: 1. I'm never getting HIV/AIDS and 2. I'm not a killer.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Mary J. Blige - The One ft. Drake
I really could care less about the rest of the video. I love Mary J. but I'm not thinking about The One. However, Drake's verse is REAL:
Uh oh
Okay I got these girls quite hype
Only thing on right now, like a night light
While my brother Wayne rockin' out like a white stripe
I'mma kill the game, I'm the Young Money white knight
Yeah, plus I'm looking for the right type
Cautious of a flood so I always lay the right pipe
West put me on the marquee, life light
Plus I go hard for the women that I might wife
I put the ring on her index finger
So if you wanna keep your girl, please don't bring her
I bet that I'm the type of guy that she got a thing for
You would block me but this ain't Jinga
Yeah and she someone I would work with
That's what I could tell from what she's showing on the surface.
I ain't saying that I'm requesting anyone that's perfect
But I just need a woman that'll make it all worth it
I Love Being A Man Pt. 3: Chances?!?
I watched this in disappointment: Men talking about how guys need 2 or 3 times to really prove themselves. Girls (albeit ugly ones in my opinion) talking about how they would give a cute dude another shot or so. Word?
I come from a long line of pastors and players. Yes they are the same in ways I might consider posting about one day... the point is that I have been raised to put the woman's feelings ahead of yours. Sex is a job: your pleasure is my priority. It's a job I enjoy thoroughly, a job I can come back to over and over, a job I can work over and over... but a job regardless.
Then I stopped and thought about it. Within my tiny circle of friends, if a girl does not come back for more then you are booted from the circle. Harsh, but you have to watch the company you keep.
But in the outside world... do girls come back to see if you can do better? Wow.
My mood shifted from disappointment in these men who are below my standards for myself, to relief that the world of women does not expect that much for me. This reality only gives me the opportunity to outshine the status quo, introduce a woman to my reality so that we may shake our heads at this video together.
But the safety net that men have is comforting. I know stories of my homeboys that have slept with girls that were less than spectacular (never had the misfortune, love yall), and they don't answer their phone calls or texts anymore. But men, we get chances. That is one double standard I can't appreciate really, but I can rock with it regardless.
Please note: For any girl that has had sex with one of my homies and have not heard from them since, sorry you had to find out on my blog.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Life: Priceless. Worthless.
“Am I wrong for wishing somebody would get killed? I mean, it just doesn’t seem like Hip-Hop gets it until somebody gets killed.”
-illseed, August 10, 2009, posted in rumorsI read this in the rumors section of AllHipHop. I respect illseed because he has a lot of insight and wisdom in matters of Hip-Hop and life. He's also funny. At the time he said this, the beef between Joe Budden and Raekwon had escalated to fisticuffs when Budden was decked by Rae's entourage. While some, who do not understand the state of Hip-Hop or illseed's dry humor, were enraged by this statement, I understood the point he was trying to make. That it is only in death, does Hip-Hop appreciate life and seek to preserve what has already been lost.
But this is a bigger issue than the callousness of those within the Hip-Hop world. Even now, I write this piece because I have lost someone dear to me. And while I have attempted to remain a douchebag and poke fun at the useless sh*t of life, I feel like I have treated life itself the same way.
Regret is a useless emotion. It is also a avoidable one. Just appreciate your family. Your friends. Yourself. Your life.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
FYL (08/26/09)
D*mn, this chick HAS to feel dumb. We all know that this cop is an idiot, but she actually fell for that sh*t! SMH
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
It Has Been Said... (08/25/09)
I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.
-Frederick Douglass
-Frederick Douglass
Dr. Conrad Murray: Scapegoat
If it were any other person, it would have been a wrongful death suit. He probably would have lost his license and practice. But now he could lost his freedom, besides the fact that he could lose his life by one of these psycho fans. I reiterate that if people are willing to kill themselves because MiJac is gone, there is someone out there who wouldn't hesitate to end this dude.
But it is Michael Jackson, so someone has to pay.
It can't be the media, who made his life a sideshow for over 20 years. It can't be his family, who has manipulated him in some form or fashion since he was born and after he has passed. It can't his friends, who turned a blind eye to his addiction. It can't be his handlers who have allowed his addiction to persist, not for his success but their own. It can't be the public (or "fans") that mocked him relentlessly for years.
It certainly can't be MiJac's fault for not finding a way to overcome HIS addiction and avoiding anyone who wished to turn him away from the dangerous drugs he took.
It is a cardiologist's fault. Because he was giving him these drugs... or because he didn't perform CPR for long enough... or for whatever other reason the LAPD or coroner's office can come up with to distract from the real reason Michael Jackson died: the source of his addiction and the addiction itself.
Have you seen the video? He's emaciated. He was 115 pounds at the time of his death.
He was taking Propofol to sleep nightly. If Dr. Murray would not administer the drugs to him, Michael would have given that $100,000 a month to someone else. It was going to happen. It sucks to say it, but no one was trying to stop his addiction or help him.
Do I make excuses for Dr. Murray? Hell f*cking no. Just because MiJac could have given that money to someone else if he didn't do it, doesn't excuse the fact that he took that money and strapped IV after IV to the addict. But the punishment isn't going to fit the crime if this prosecution ensues.
And what about the punishment everyone else in his life deserves?
Justice Must Be Served
I'm from NY, so I've seen a lot of f*cked up sh*t. I've seen enough to know it isn't something to brag about, especially when you get numb to it. Very little can bring out a lot of emotion in me: I see ignorant sh*t, SMH and keep it moving.
But this...
This has me twisted.
This isn't television. This is a young man who was beaten senseless and discarded like trash. WTF?
Just... post this and get the word out. Help ensure justice is served for that nigga and that all those f*ckers pay for letting that happen.
When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong... (08/25/09)
What's really good with my people? Like seriously... what the hell?
Monday, August 24, 2009
It Has Been Said... (08/24/09)
I know of no country in which there is so little independence of mind and real freedom of discussion as in America.
-Alexis de Tocqueville
-Alexis de Tocqueville
Life Is Overly Complicated
So I haven't update my blogs in a few days, but I was most frantic over not being able to play Mafia Wars. That should be okay, but I'm obviously an addict so I thought my world was going to end. I thought the router was bugging, but I couldn't figure out how to reset it. Needless to say, I was depressed.
Then my uncle pulled out his laptop because he wanted to get on. I told him of my plight and since he knows electronics, maybe he can reset the router because I can't. He pulls out his laptop and a minute later he's asking for the password to the network.
Wtf?
We looked at the message on my wireless. It is turned off, I have to flip the switch on the front of the laptop. Switch? I looked at the front and there was a the wireless symbol next to a f*cking switch. I flipped it and everything popped up like nothing happened.
Things are so much complicated in life nowadays. From the moment we wake up we're making all these decisions that can work your last nerve: what am I going to wear, eat, how am I getting to work, am I GOING to work? Think about the bigger trouble you go through to apply to college or sign up for classes. Or even for the trouble of getting an ID card. How about something simple: how easy is it to go grocery shopping when you have to think about which store to go to, when, and how, what you're going to get and how you're going to pay.
I know some of the issues my homies have with their laptops are so complicated that they have to take them to IT or the Geek Squad at Best Buy. Forgive if I didn't find the switch on my laptop, I didn't think of even looking.
Sh*t should be simple, but I doubt it ever could be. If it was there would be no need for nearly any job in this world, as well as politics and religion. We try to control every facet of our life with these rules and regulations, and as a result lose control because we can't remember all the rules and regulations. Ever get a ticket for some random sh*t like jaywalking? Word?
I was looking for something to blog about and I found inspiration in this little *ss switch that made life miserable for 2 days. LOL. Life is a simple b*tch sometimes.
Then my uncle pulled out his laptop because he wanted to get on. I told him of my plight and since he knows electronics, maybe he can reset the router because I can't. He pulls out his laptop and a minute later he's asking for the password to the network.
Wtf?
We looked at the message on my wireless. It is turned off, I have to flip the switch on the front of the laptop. Switch? I looked at the front and there was a the wireless symbol next to a f*cking switch. I flipped it and everything popped up like nothing happened.
Things are so much complicated in life nowadays. From the moment we wake up we're making all these decisions that can work your last nerve: what am I going to wear, eat, how am I getting to work, am I GOING to work? Think about the bigger trouble you go through to apply to college or sign up for classes. Or even for the trouble of getting an ID card. How about something simple: how easy is it to go grocery shopping when you have to think about which store to go to, when, and how, what you're going to get and how you're going to pay.
I know some of the issues my homies have with their laptops are so complicated that they have to take them to IT or the Geek Squad at Best Buy. Forgive if I didn't find the switch on my laptop, I didn't think of even looking.
Sh*t should be simple, but I doubt it ever could be. If it was there would be no need for nearly any job in this world, as well as politics and religion. We try to control every facet of our life with these rules and regulations, and as a result lose control because we can't remember all the rules and regulations. Ever get a ticket for some random sh*t like jaywalking? Word?
I was looking for something to blog about and I found inspiration in this little *ss switch that made life miserable for 2 days. LOL. Life is a simple b*tch sometimes.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Plaxico Burress is the Biggest Idiot.
The sorrow I felt for the fact that Plaxico Burress has probably ruined his life worse than Michael Vick's snitches has worn off. This dude is dumb as f*ck, and I hope that reality begins to sink in while he's in prison.
He had helped the New York Giants when the Super Bowl earlier that year.
He had inked a 35 million deal with his team months before.
He's in NY, which carries a MANDATORY sentence of 3 1/2 years for possession of an illegal firearm.
He's walking around with a gun with an expired license from Florida.
He's walking around with a LOADED gun, implying that he could have used it in any other case and endangered his future anyway.
But Plaxico Burress is not the biggest idiot for any of these reasons. It is no secret that Black professional athletes have become targets for crab niggas in a basket. One week before his incident, fellow Giant David Tyree was robbed at gunpoint by his driver. Plaxico has a family to take care of and can’t afford to leave them without a provider... so much for that. He made a decision that he felt was best for him, his family, and his team. I won't fault his dumb*ss for not being smart enough to come up with other options.
Ultimately Plaxico Burress is the biggest idiot because he shot himself with his own gun. And the last person I heard did that was the white boy from 8 Mile.
He had helped the New York Giants when the Super Bowl earlier that year.
He had inked a 35 million deal with his team months before.
He's in NY, which carries a MANDATORY sentence of 3 1/2 years for possession of an illegal firearm.
He's walking around with a gun with an expired license from Florida.
He's walking around with a LOADED gun, implying that he could have used it in any other case and endangered his future anyway.
But Plaxico Burress is not the biggest idiot for any of these reasons. It is no secret that Black professional athletes have become targets for crab niggas in a basket. One week before his incident, fellow Giant David Tyree was robbed at gunpoint by his driver. Plaxico has a family to take care of and can’t afford to leave them without a provider... so much for that. He made a decision that he felt was best for him, his family, and his team. I won't fault his dumb*ss for not being smart enough to come up with other options.
Ultimately Plaxico Burress is the biggest idiot because he shot himself with his own gun. And the last person I heard did that was the white boy from 8 Mile.
It Has Been Said (08/22/09)
"I cannot swallow whole the view of Lincoln as the Great Emancipator."
-President Barack Obama
Pause Mr. President.
Pause.
-President Barack Obama
Pause Mr. President.
Pause.
Friday, August 21, 2009
FYL (08/21/09)
Wow... I'll find the words to be a douchebag at a later date...
Plaxico Burress, the former NY Giants wide receiver who accidentally shot himself in the leg with an illegal gun last November, will be sentenced to two years in prison after pleading guilty Thursday to a weapons charge.
By taking the plea, Mr. Burress, who turned 32 last week, avoided what would have been a mandatory minimum sentence of three and a half years in prison if he had been convicted at trial of the original charge against him, second-degree criminal possession of a weapon. Instead, Mr. Burress pleaded to an attempted weapons possession charge, allowing for the lighter sentence.
Plaxico Burress, the former NY Giants wide receiver who accidentally shot himself in the leg with an illegal gun last November, will be sentenced to two years in prison after pleading guilty Thursday to a weapons charge.By taking the plea, Mr. Burress, who turned 32 last week, avoided what would have been a mandatory minimum sentence of three and a half years in prison if he had been convicted at trial of the original charge against him, second-degree criminal possession of a weapon. Instead, Mr. Burress pleaded to an attempted weapons possession charge, allowing for the lighter sentence.
Mr. Burress, who will head to prison when he is officially sentenced on Sept. 22, will be eligible for release after slightly more than 20 months, his lawyer, Benjamin Brafman, said.
“This is a very sad day because I think a very good man, who is a brilliant athlete, is unfortunately going to spend 20 months in prison,” Mr. Brafman told reporters outside the courthouse. “After an agonizing period of discussion, Plaxico decided that he wanted to put this behind him as soon as possible.”
Mr. Brafman said he hoped his client could rehabilitate his career with the NFL. After the plea, the league said that Mr. Burress would be suspended for the length of his prison term, but that he could sign with a new team when he was released.
But, Mr. Brafman added, football was secondary in Mr. Burress’s mind: his wife is expecting their second child in November.
Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/21/nyregion/21burress.htmlWhen Keeping It Real Goes Wrong (08/21/09)
Sometimes people are so consumed by their effort to be hood that they end up a joke. Dave Chappelle made these unfortunate acts, where reality comes crashing down on the "real," into a popular segment called "When keeping it real goes wrong." I want to continue the tradition, since Dave went crazy and all...
"My mouth too small to suck a d*ck."
-Raekwon
Word?
You should have thought long and hard about that statement Rae... Or did you think a little too much about that.
HOW did you come to that conclusion? You measured your mouth? You practiced? Oh, but you can't stand homos riiight.
I'm not homophobic, but someone needs to point out the homo-eroticism masked by the rap machismo. It has been said that the rap world and fashion world run parallel with each other... wonder why.
Big ups to Snoop for calling it like it is without calling out these down low n*ggas. I knew that bullet to the dome was just a flesh wound. Gon get the sucka Michael Lee for you.
"My mouth too small to suck a d*ck."
-Raekwon
Word?
You should have thought long and hard about that statement Rae... Or did you think a little too much about that.
HOW did you come to that conclusion? You measured your mouth? You practiced? Oh, but you can't stand homos riiight.
I'm not homophobic, but someone needs to point out the homo-eroticism masked by the rap machismo. It has been said that the rap world and fashion world run parallel with each other... wonder why.
Big ups to Snoop for calling it like it is without calling out these down low n*ggas. I knew that bullet to the dome was just a flesh wound. Gon get the sucka Michael Lee for you.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
The Tragedy of Modern Day Christianity
And as he sat upon the mount of Olives, the disciples came unto him privately, saying, Tell us, when shall these things be? and what shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world? And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you. For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many. And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.
Matthew 24:3-5, 10, 13
@raindrops77 and her homegirl were having a talk about some man of God who was less than righteous with the opposite sex. I also was thinking about my godsister, who was told by the son of a preacherman that they were meant to be together and God was okay with them having premarital sex because they have needs until that time.
Word?
Now I'm the grandson of a pastor. I know what reputation pastor's kids hold and I wore that rep like a badge of honor. However, I never used my "status" or "influence" to impress any girls and I DEF didn't use God as a scapegoat. I ran away from church, but the prodigal son returned and found a mess.
Co-pastor Zachary Tims is just the latest pastor to get caught with his pants down. Literally. Pause. His wife Co-pastor Riva Tims has filed for divorce, two years after skripper Judy Nguyen posted details of their affair on the internet. A great deal of men are dogs. The facts that more Americans have been divorced once than those who remain married and that more Americans are comfortable with extra-marital affairs don't make it any easier on those men who try to stick to their vitues.
I just figured that men of God would be more a little more devoted. Especially when they have thousands of souls that they have been entrusted to nurture and guide. Zarchary Tims church, the New Destiny Christian Center, had 7500 at its zenith (that is, right before that skripper came forward).
This is an indictment an indictment of religion and those that invest their faith in it: the pastors who profit and falter and the people who use it for peace of mind. I've ranted before about how useless organized religion is. Mankind is flawed, and religion is construct of mankind. There's no way we can figure out God. The people who wrote the Bible were wrong sometimes, and King James's translators were def on that opium from time to time.
People have to stand for themselves. If my grandparents lost their minds and became Satanists, I'd just have to pray for their *ss. All these ministers are obviously going to falter, but people are basing their salvation on the character of a human being. Just because they screw up, doesn't give anyone an excuse in front of God. You can't live a life of sin because the preacher sinned once.
Guarantee you these pastors repent anyways, ensuring their salvation.
People have become so caught up in what these men and women are doing that they have forgotten about God. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone will remember until it's too late.
Matthew 24:3-5, 10, 13
@raindrops77 and her homegirl were having a talk about some man of God who was less than righteous with the opposite sex. I also was thinking about my godsister, who was told by the son of a preacherman that they were meant to be together and God was okay with them having premarital sex because they have needs until that time.
Word?
Now I'm the grandson of a pastor. I know what reputation pastor's kids hold and I wore that rep like a badge of honor. However, I never used my "status" or "influence" to impress any girls and I DEF didn't use God as a scapegoat. I ran away from church, but the prodigal son returned and found a mess.
Co-pastor Zachary Tims is just the latest pastor to get caught with his pants down. Literally. Pause. His wife Co-pastor Riva Tims has filed for divorce, two years after skripper Judy Nguyen posted details of their affair on the internet. A great deal of men are dogs. The facts that more Americans have been divorced once than those who remain married and that more Americans are comfortable with extra-marital affairs don't make it any easier on those men who try to stick to their vitues.
I just figured that men of God would be more a little more devoted. Especially when they have thousands of souls that they have been entrusted to nurture and guide. Zarchary Tims church, the New Destiny Christian Center, had 7500 at its zenith (that is, right before that skripper came forward).
This is an indictment an indictment of religion and those that invest their faith in it: the pastors who profit and falter and the people who use it for peace of mind. I've ranted before about how useless organized religion is. Mankind is flawed, and religion is construct of mankind. There's no way we can figure out God. The people who wrote the Bible were wrong sometimes, and King James's translators were def on that opium from time to time.
People have to stand for themselves. If my grandparents lost their minds and became Satanists, I'd just have to pray for their *ss. All these ministers are obviously going to falter, but people are basing their salvation on the character of a human being. Just because they screw up, doesn't give anyone an excuse in front of God. You can't live a life of sin because the preacher sinned once.
Guarantee you these pastors repent anyways, ensuring their salvation.
People have become so caught up in what these men and women are doing that they have forgotten about God. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone will remember until it's too late.
Being Different Vs. Being Yourself
People are so consumed with being different that they 1) Emulate someone who is considered different, thereby joining the hordes of people who already copy said idol; or 2) Move so far out of the status quo that they are ridiculed and mocked into submission.
If you're trying to be different because you want people to admire you (ie follow you on twitter or read your blog), then you won't get anywhere. You're like these one hit wonders that MIGHT put out a summer jam but brick when the actual album comes out. Your type is a dime a hundred or two, and you'll fade out of existence as quickly as you pounced on you 10-15 seconds of fame.
If you want to truly be different, you've to do so for yourself. You have to appreciate your hobbies, follow your dreams and stand on your values. If you can do so, you will truly be different. Other people will respect and admire that and follow your lead. The secret isn't that people like what you're doing, they like who you are as you do it. And if they don't follow you, it isn't supposed to matter right?
And that's how you become different: being yourself. There is no one else like you in the world. No one else can like anything else quite like you can. Take myself as an example (yeah right). I'm Josh and I like riding the train, the color red and King of the Hill. Random, but that's me. I stick to it, and my friends appreciate it. My friends read my blog and follow me on twitter: if no one else ever did I would still be content.
Forget me (not that quickly nucca) and consider two trailblazers in fashion, music, etc but really who they are: Kanye West and Soulja Boy. Both of them followed their own blueprint.
For a time, Kanye's style was ridiculed as too preppy and gay. Jay-Z originally dismissed Kanye's style, now he copies it down to the album covers. As much of a fool Soulja Boy is, he's following his dreams and making music that resounds with a lot of people despite SoundScan numbers. Half of his last album is on the radio. I believe that he bricked not because no one liked his music, but because it was shared widely over the net. Still, they stuck to what they appreciated and now they are successful.
Bird walking in Osaka, Japan...
But there is the downside to being yourself, sometimes you will leave the status quo. You have to stick to your guns however. I'm always strapped... when I hit the club... Both Kanye and Soulja have had b*tch fits and nervous breakdowns because of the pressure. Kanye has been called a gay fish and Ice-T told Soulja to eat a dick.
...word? What's really good with the allusions to homosexuality when niggas don't like how you rock? Like I'm trying to impress dudes anyway. Pause.
Being different can be heartbreaking, but being yourself is always fulfilling. Success is sometimes random, but peace, happiness and joy are always available.
Sent from Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
FYL (8/20/09)
Thanking supporters... right... Dude looks like he's about to cry.
Poor Dr. Murray. He is probably the most hated... and most wanted... doctor in the world. Michael Jackson, King of Pop, died on his watch. If there are fans that are crazy enough to take their own lives because MiJac is dead, I'm pretty sure there are fans crazy enough to take Dr. Murray's. Whether he is innocent of the charges LA DA will be bringing on him, his life will never be the same.
A shame too, because I'm sure he thought being Jackson's personal physician would be a great lifestyle change. In the positive direction of course.
Yeah so...
I have two blogs. Don't like it: go kick rocks. One of my homegirls says go kick rocks without socks on but I don't give a f*ck how you do it.
Http://irideshotgun.blogspot.com is my blog for the random thoughts that spring out of my sick and twisted mind. Okay I'm really not as bad of a guy I hope you think I am, and if you take some time out of your day to read some of my posts you will learn that.
Http://shotgunnoblitz.tumblr.com is a blog for pics, vids and interesting tidbits of life and the web I stumble across. I have set it so you can add stuff yourself. So if there is random artwork or quotes or whatever you want to showcase, post it. My gift to you.
I'm also testing out the emailing systems for both blogs. This better work or I'm tweeting about how one or both of these blogs are full of sh*t.
Sent from Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
It Has Been Said... (8/20/09)
My homies JB Charisma and LoLights have theirs. I have my own quotes that have inspired me. I hope they inspire you. Anddd if they don't, you're probably flawed in some fundamental way.
"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." - Oscar Levant
"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." - Oscar Levant
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Men: Don't Change
It's a douchebag thing to say, but I think if every man stuck to their guns, life would be simple and happy.
Picture this: You find the girl of your dreams, but she finds the project of her dreams. You're obviously starstruck, so you can find nothing wrong with her. She only the other hand, thinks that there are some things you would work on. Now you're still starstruck so you're willing to make any changes and be on your best your best behavior.
UNFORTUNATELY...
No changes actually stick. They won't, especially if you're making them for someone else. If you've been getting along just fine in your life before this girl, you probably don't see a valid reason for the change other than impressing the girl.
NOW...
You've got the girl: She likes you or or she has had sex with you or (please no...) she is in a relationship with you or (GOD no!) she married you. All of a sudden the old you... or REAL you... begins to resurface. She starts complaining because she obviously didn't like the old or real you, and you're getting frustrated because you want to start slacking off. Or maybe you want to start being the real you, the person you were before you met her.
Problems arise. Arguments ensue. Breakup is possible. Misery is unavoidable.
All because you changed for her. Now you have to deal with losing her or worse, LIVING with her.
Although the title of this post says that you shouldn't change, I'm not saying you shouldn't. Title is just to catch your eye. Compromise is a necessary part of any relationship. Put the toilet seat down. Eat at the table and not in front of the TV. Scheduling time to go out with the guys. Not farting under the covers. Sh*t, let's throw in stop flirting with other girls.
But if there are things about yourself that you refuse to give up for your friends, homegirls, or ugly people, don't do them for your dream girl.
Try to change, or actually change something you love about yourself, and that sh*t will become a nightmare. And you'll have only yourself to blame.
Picture this: You find the girl of your dreams, but she finds the project of her dreams. You're obviously starstruck, so you can find nothing wrong with her. She only the other hand, thinks that there are some things you would work on. Now you're still starstruck so you're willing to make any changes and be on your best your best behavior.
UNFORTUNATELY...
No changes actually stick. They won't, especially if you're making them for someone else. If you've been getting along just fine in your life before this girl, you probably don't see a valid reason for the change other than impressing the girl.
NOW...
You've got the girl: She likes you or or she has had sex with you or (please no...) she is in a relationship with you or (GOD no!) she married you. All of a sudden the old you... or REAL you... begins to resurface. She starts complaining because she obviously didn't like the old or real you, and you're getting frustrated because you want to start slacking off. Or maybe you want to start being the real you, the person you were before you met her.
Problems arise. Arguments ensue. Breakup is possible. Misery is unavoidable.
All because you changed for her. Now you have to deal with losing her or worse, LIVING with her.
Although the title of this post says that you shouldn't change, I'm not saying you shouldn't. Title is just to catch your eye. Compromise is a necessary part of any relationship. Put the toilet seat down. Eat at the table and not in front of the TV. Scheduling time to go out with the guys. Not farting under the covers. Sh*t, let's throw in stop flirting with other girls.
But if there are things about yourself that you refuse to give up for your friends, homegirls, or ugly people, don't do them for your dream girl.
Try to change, or actually change something you love about yourself, and that sh*t will become a nightmare. And you'll have only yourself to blame.
Jamie Foxx - Digital Girl (Remix) ft. Drake, The-Dream and Kanye West
Drake is a beast:
Who's that peeking in my window?
You should let some more skin show
And if one of these websites get the info,
We can work it out, no Nintendo
I just hit ALT-TAB
Switching in-between two convos
I should just call cabs
And bring them over here to the condo
Yeah, normally it ain't a question
We would cross paths like an intersection
But she just too far away for affection
So I pray that we never lose the connection
Cause I remember Stacy, she probably to hate me,
She used to threaten she had a man to replace me
She talked that sh*t, I just hit the escape key
So she can get mad and wanna go and erase me
I remember Amy, she used to aim me
She stayed up late and used to blame me
She said I'm too wild, she wanna tame me
I told her even photoshop could'nt change me
But you, you, you, you got me over girl?
We ain't even trying to settle so why try?
Ended the night with a kiss and a bye bye
No strings attached, your love is so wi-fi
FYL: F*ck YOUR Life (8/19/09)
Sometimes you have to appreciate your life. I know that everybody has their issues, but you'll start to value yours when you look at some of these people's hardships.
FML? Nah forget that homie, my life is just fine... FYL!
FML? Nah forget that homie, my life is just fine... FYL!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I Love Being A Man Pt. 2: Peeing
Pissing ass only a man can is an empowering experience: standing up. But let me clarify before some of trifling *ss females say that you can pee standing up ass well: I can piss standing up without having to remove my pants and/or wet my legs with urine.
Men can piss ANYWHERE. We only have 2 questions to ask: 1. Are we nervous about pulling our package out in public? and 2. Are there any policemen around in case we do? Seeing as how I gotta big ego (ha ha ha) (Pause.), the sky the limit only because I can piss into space.
We don't even need toilets. You know what urinals are? They're bowls in a wall. No seat, no need to flush really. No need to squat over a toilet that is cleaner than some of the *sses that have sat on it. No need for tissue to wipe whatever piss won't let go. I can just whip my sh*t dry.
Done.
Men can piss ANYWHERE. We only have 2 questions to ask: 1. Are we nervous about pulling our package out in public? and 2. Are there any policemen around in case we do? Seeing as how I gotta big ego (ha ha ha) (Pause.), the sky the limit only because I can piss into space.
We don't even need toilets. You know what urinals are? They're bowls in a wall. No seat, no need to flush really. No need to squat over a toilet that is cleaner than some of the *sses that have sat on it. No need for tissue to wipe whatever piss won't let go. I can just whip my sh*t dry.
Done.
My Favorite Model: Courtney Starrburst
Meet Courtney Starrburst.
She's hot and smart. You have to give it up to a woman as pretty as her with a degree. She's only 23 so I can't help but feel I have a chnace with her. J/k. Ugly feet, but personality makes up for it.
Hope she doesn't unfollow me for the last comment.
Website: http://www.modelmayhem.com/1127198
Twitter: http://twitter.com/MzStarrBurst
She's hot and smart. You have to give it up to a woman as pretty as her with a degree. She's only 23 so I can't help but feel I have a chnace with her. J/k. Ugly feet, but personality makes up for it.
Hope she doesn't unfollow me for the last comment.
Website: http://www.modelmayhem.com/1127198
Twitter: http://twitter.com/MzStarrBurst
Affion Crocket - Best I Ever Had Video Spoof
I'm on the fence concerning the public's reaction to Drake. I don't know if his meteoric rise is attributed to hype or genuine anticipation.. does anyone realize that meteors fall down?
I was rocking with Drake back in 2006 when I first heard Replacement Girl (probably because I was dealing with a lil heartbreak and harboring some vengeance). People say he reminds them of Kanye West. While I can understand that Drake descends from hipster hip-hop, he is no swagger jacker. This dude's flow is tight, he can actually sing, and he's one of the few rappers out now that I consider an artist... ie, for the love of the craft and fans, not money.
But the hate is a ripe as the love. For every dude that is banging "Successful," "Ransom" or even "Best I Ever Had," from his car on these NYC streets, I see dudes on line saying he's weak, wack and/or gay. What's really good? He's gotten props from legends like Jay-Z, Dr. Dre and Bun-B. I'm not calling Kanye a legend (yet), but the dude directed that ill-directed "Best I Ever Had" vid. That's all 4 regions of the US holding him down... and he's Canadian!
They say he only gets love from women. And they call him Wheelchair Jimmy because he was a child actor (I MESSES with Degrassi BTW), but you would not put him in the same atmosphere as Bow Wow or Omarion.
Please note how odd it is that Omarion signed to Young Money and Bow Wow signed to Cash Money, def going to blog on that later. Just ripe for commentary... or hate...
I doubt Affion is dissing Drake. He did a spoof on the Hot 97 "free"style Drake had with Funkmaster Flex. I am an avid supporter of Drake, but even I thought reading his lyrics from his BlackBerry was corny when I saw the vid. But Affion messes with Jiggaman and he has said on record that he has no issue with the comedian. Drake probably finds it funny too, and he's obviously big enough to warrant the investment into this spoof.
Spoof's funny. And I'm not saying Affion is a hater. This just gave me something to write about. Take care of those sh*t stains, ladies. They happen, but handle that.
Hater Mode
"I am for all intents and purposes a hater, but this self awareness and acceptance of my status adds some validity and comedy to my comments."
I tweeted that a few days ago. I believe it is IMPOSSIBLE to refrain from hating. Jesus Christ hated, when all those people were selling stuff in the temple he broke alllll that sh*t up. He was knocking their hustles, ie hating. Them Pharisees were hating on Jesus when they got all the people to choose to crucify Jesus Christ. If my Lord and Savior could get killed because of haters, no one else has any hope.
I embrace my hater mode though. I'm not equating myself with the running the devil out of church like Jesus did, or them b*tches that had him killed. I'm just a homie that talks a lot sh*t and has the audacity to think it doesn't stink.
Haters are actually a necessary evil, kind of like conservatives. They keep you on your toes and prevent you from slipping. One screw up and your name is slandered all around school, town, and/or the internet.
There is a difference between constructive criticism, which we all truly need, and hating. I embrace MY hating, because it comes from a humorous and humble place. I'm not hating because I think I'm better than anyone. I do think no one is better than me, and we're all liable to get some scrutiny from time to time.
But beware my hater mode...
I tweeted that a few days ago. I believe it is IMPOSSIBLE to refrain from hating. Jesus Christ hated, when all those people were selling stuff in the temple he broke alllll that sh*t up. He was knocking their hustles, ie hating. Them Pharisees were hating on Jesus when they got all the people to choose to crucify Jesus Christ. If my Lord and Savior could get killed because of haters, no one else has any hope.
I embrace my hater mode though. I'm not equating myself with the running the devil out of church like Jesus did, or them b*tches that had him killed. I'm just a homie that talks a lot sh*t and has the audacity to think it doesn't stink.
Haters are actually a necessary evil, kind of like conservatives. They keep you on your toes and prevent you from slipping. One screw up and your name is slandered all around school, town, and/or the internet.
There is a difference between constructive criticism, which we all truly need, and hating. I embrace MY hating, because it comes from a humorous and humble place. I'm not hating because I think I'm better than anyone. I do think no one is better than me, and we're all liable to get some scrutiny from time to time.
But beware my hater mode...
VIDEO: Fabolous - Money Goes, Honey Stay (Remix) ft. Jay-Z
I like the song. I do not like the video as much. I really don't think Jay is a good actor (he would have been terrible as Frank Lucas), so I found the intro tedious. You know? ...you know?
I think there is too much focus on Loso in prison and that stupid party at the end. I don't think there is much of a exploration of Loso's relationship and his girl when he is in prison, that's the subject of the song after all. That's what Jigga is asking over and over and over without a verse to answer (and surprisingly not a wasted feature).
If you're going to make a concept album, you must stay true to the concept. Fabolous is good at marketing high end toys like in "Throw It In The Bag" (...remix is better), but he has to think outside of the box if he is going to show the people the character Loso.
I messes with "American Gangster" hard (pause.) because Jay stays true to his theme, and every video he released was a scene from his movie. He wasn't even in "I Know" because that scene was about the junkie, not the dealer.
I wouldn't buy the vid at iTunes Music Store, but it's cool.
Don't Mess With God
I attend church religiously... but I don't believe in organized religion. I believe that religion is a human construct for the supernatural, so it is imperfect. I am spiritual, and I believe that everyone has a relationship with God whether they want to admit it or even He exists. That's why attend my church, my pastor teaches his flock how to draw closer to God straight from the Word... and he's my grandfather.
Point of the matter is that I don't messes with GOD. I don't toy with Him. Don't bargain with Him. Don't test Him. For all those people who claim to be Christians but are too hung over from partying Saturday night to go Sunday morning, do you still take the Bible seriously?
If so, are you aware that God used to be a swift judge in the Old Testament? One mistake and you, your FAMILY, and all your property were destroyed QUICK. Shoot, even in the New Testament, he struck down a couple who skipped out on their tithes. Word homie?
God is a merciful God. You wouldn't believe how awful life would be if He allowed half of the stupid stuff that we do or say come back and mess us up. I'll test the patience of any dude on this earth (except my cellmate if I ever went to jail), but I hope I never put a strain on my relationship with God yo.
You know what happens when dudes go and try to do their own thing without God's approval? They get eaten by whales. That's mad dehumanizing... I'm supposed to be the top of food chain and I'm now waiting to be digested because I didn't listen to God in the first place.
I'm not the type to witness. Although I should be, since it is the responsibility of every follower of Jesus Christ to proclaim his gospel. I just needed to vent on how scary God can be if a n*gga is not careful.
BTW, has anyone notice that when you do say you do something religiously, it automatically means that you do it with mad dedication. That's funny, since most people don't actually follow religion religiously anymore...
Point of the matter is that I don't messes with GOD. I don't toy with Him. Don't bargain with Him. Don't test Him. For all those people who claim to be Christians but are too hung over from partying Saturday night to go Sunday morning, do you still take the Bible seriously?
If so, are you aware that God used to be a swift judge in the Old Testament? One mistake and you, your FAMILY, and all your property were destroyed QUICK. Shoot, even in the New Testament, he struck down a couple who skipped out on their tithes. Word homie?
God is a merciful God. You wouldn't believe how awful life would be if He allowed half of the stupid stuff that we do or say come back and mess us up. I'll test the patience of any dude on this earth (except my cellmate if I ever went to jail), but I hope I never put a strain on my relationship with God yo.
You know what happens when dudes go and try to do their own thing without God's approval? They get eaten by whales. That's mad dehumanizing... I'm supposed to be the top of food chain and I'm now waiting to be digested because I didn't listen to God in the first place.
I'm not the type to witness. Although I should be, since it is the responsibility of every follower of Jesus Christ to proclaim his gospel. I just needed to vent on how scary God can be if a n*gga is not careful.
BTW, has anyone notice that when you do say you do something religiously, it automatically means that you do it with mad dedication. That's funny, since most people don't actually follow religion religiously anymore...
I Love Being A Man Pt. 1
No I don't love men, although I respect any man who does. That's a personal decision between you and your Maker.
But I digress.
I have come to the conclusion that it is better to be a guy. James Brown said that this is a man's world, and no one has disagreed with him. I have never heard of a song "Woman's World," and if it existed, that sh*t would be mute. I give it up to women, without you all this world would be nothing... but since you are here I'm loving my Y chromosome.
This is definitely going to be an ongoing series, because there are so many reasons for a dude to appreciate the fact that he is... a dude.
But I digress.
I have come to the conclusion that it is better to be a guy. James Brown said that this is a man's world, and no one has disagreed with him. I have never heard of a song "Woman's World," and if it existed, that sh*t would be mute. I give it up to women, without you all this world would be nothing... but since you are here I'm loving my Y chromosome.
This is definitely going to be an ongoing series, because there are so many reasons for a dude to appreciate the fact that he is... a dude.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Health Care Reform?
I don't think I could be a politician:
1. I'm stubborn.
2. I'm brutally honest.
I don't know which one is worse than the other, but I do know that neither are useful to be an effective politician.
I'm looking at this health care reform business the "World's Favorite Black Man" President Barack Obama is handling and SMH at all involved. This man is trying to bring health care to every American. In this day and age, it is just WRONG that there are people in this country who must decide to purchase their medication or purchase their medication. Insurance companies continue to rob many of their customers. Pharmaceutical companies value their patents more than patients, and oppose the generic drugs at home and abroad.
It is about time someone gave a f*ck.
Can someone please tell me what the f*ck is wrong with universal health care? Can American citizens opposed to this plan not see how they are being manipulated by insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies, and greedy *ss politicians who are getting paid by the insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies? President Obama has already established that no one is required to purchase the proposed state-run insurance or get to state-assigned doctors. The idea is retarded.
Are Americans that selfish that they can't chalk up a few extra tax dollars to ensure that their fellow citizen can attain decent health care? I don't even think that would be necessary. The proposed cuts on Medicare that has old people so riled up into a geriatric frenzy don't even affect benefits that my generation will have to pay for to keep them alive.
I have health insurance... it seems that I will until I'm 30 because of a new New York law that gives my grandparents the option to keep me on. Now, I am pretty sure I won't be freeloading on my grandparents for that long. Soon I will have a job with benefits, but I feel for those who don't.
But then again I have a heart. I thought this great nation that fights wars to save barbarian nations would have the heart to save its own people.
These devils have got everyone convinced that these reforms will unravel the capitalistic values that have really made this nation great.
Capitalistic values like the slave trade. SMH.
1. I'm stubborn.
2. I'm brutally honest.
I don't know which one is worse than the other, but I do know that neither are useful to be an effective politician.
I'm looking at this health care reform business the "World's Favorite Black Man" President Barack Obama is handling and SMH at all involved. This man is trying to bring health care to every American. In this day and age, it is just WRONG that there are people in this country who must decide to purchase their medication or purchase their medication. Insurance companies continue to rob many of their customers. Pharmaceutical companies value their patents more than patients, and oppose the generic drugs at home and abroad.
It is about time someone gave a f*ck.
Can someone please tell me what the f*ck is wrong with universal health care? Can American citizens opposed to this plan not see how they are being manipulated by insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies, and greedy *ss politicians who are getting paid by the insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies? President Obama has already established that no one is required to purchase the proposed state-run insurance or get to state-assigned doctors. The idea is retarded.
Are Americans that selfish that they can't chalk up a few extra tax dollars to ensure that their fellow citizen can attain decent health care? I don't even think that would be necessary. The proposed cuts on Medicare that has old people so riled up into a geriatric frenzy don't even affect benefits that my generation will have to pay for to keep them alive.
I have health insurance... it seems that I will until I'm 30 because of a new New York law that gives my grandparents the option to keep me on. Now, I am pretty sure I won't be freeloading on my grandparents for that long. Soon I will have a job with benefits, but I feel for those who don't.
But then again I have a heart. I thought this great nation that fights wars to save barbarian nations would have the heart to save its own people.
These devils have got everyone convinced that these reforms will unravel the capitalistic values that have really made this nation great.
Capitalistic values like the slave trade. SMH.
Shotgun Rules
I am from New York City, so it is pretty acceptable for me to not have a driver's license. Unfortunately I went to a college in Atlanta, in which it is ABSOLUTELY necessary to know how to drive before you know how to walk. SMH
I did have some great friends from ATL and abroad with licenses, cars, and good hearts. Because I was not the only carless soul at Emory, I became very acquainted with the shotgun rules. I take them serious, and if you have have the misfortune of needing a ride from me, you better know these sh*ts back and forth.
Section I - General Rules
1) The first person to yell "SHOTGUN" gets to ride in the front seat.
2) The remaining back seats may be divvied up in the same manner by being the first to call "back right seat", etc…
3) The word "shotgun" must be loud enough to be heard by at least one witness. If no witness is to be found, or in case of a tie, the driver has the final word. After all, it is most likely his car. (Note: if it isn't his car, and the owner is present, the owner's decision is final. Owner must be sober, however, or he will defer his judgment to the driver.)
4) Early calls are strictly prohibited. All occupants of the vehicle (including the driver) must be outside of the building and directly on the way to the vehicle before shotgun may be called. Under no circumstances may a person call shotgun inside a building. For sake of simplicity, a garage is considered to be outside. Parking structures and detached garages are always considered as being outdoors, even if they are underground.
5) A person may only call shotgun for one way of a trip. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one cannot get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.
6) Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as women to the front seat of the car. THEREFORE women don't own the front seat.
7) One is allowed to ride shotgun as many times as he can call it, but for himself only. No one can call shotgun for their slower friend, unless the friend has a speech or mental handicap that prevents them from calling it for themselves. (I’m not as understanding…)
8) The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.
Section II - Special Cases
These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.
1) In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.
2) If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
3) In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
4) In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.
5) In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline.
6) In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three hour trip with him crammed in the back.
Section III - Amendments
Amendment I: The Laser / Shotgun Double Barrel Rule
A person may call "laser" or "Shotgun Double Barrel" after shotgun has been called, to override the shotgun call. This is only valid if the driver verifies the call as we see in Section 1.3.
Additionally, any passenger who says "No Blitz" after claiming shotgun, may not have it taken away by either the "Laser" or "Double Barrel" rules.
These rules hold no precedence over Standard shotgun procedure, and the driver has final say in all calls.
Amendment II: The Specific Amendment
Any person who wishes to claim shotgun must actually pronounce either the word "Shotgun" or "Gun." One may not say the name of a type of shotgun, such as "12 Gauge." If a passenger does, then he or she can lay no claim on shotgun, and may be called by another person.
Amendment III: The "House" Rule
The Owner of the vehicle decides which Shotgun Amendments to institute on his own car. All passengers must abide by the rules of these Amendments, which are stated in this document. This Amendment clarifies that not all Amendments need be active at any given time.
Amendment IV: Eviction
If the vehicle is forced to stop for a serious infraction of the Shotgunner, the Shotgunner must relinquish his/her seat, if the driver so wishes.
Serious infractions have been known to include spilling alcoholic beverages, spilling any beverage, being annoying, breaking parts of the car, and in extreme cases, just being ugly.
Amendment V: Navigator
The passenger who has shotgun MUST serve as Navigator. By this, he must watch out for signs and intersections that the driver may miss during the course of a road trip. The Navigator must also ask for directions out the window.
It is also the job of the Navigator to throw all trash and empty beer bottles out of the window. The beer bottles must be crushed under the tires to destroy all evidence, in case of an emergency situation.
In addition, the Navigator must possess the ability and the will to insult other drivers and be heard, only if they deserve it (ie: being cut off). This is to allow the driver to continue to operate the vehicle properly.
The Navigator must possess the ability (and the will) to roll down their window and invite any chicks in adjacent cars to the driver's destination.
The Navigator must not touch the radio or air-conditioning, especially in the case of Black men.
Amendment VI: Secondary Passenger
If a passenger is "just along for the ride," then they must sit in the back seat (or worst seat, if the car is otherwise full), because the ride is not for them.
Amendment VII: Double Shotgun
This rule from Delaware states that if a given passenger calls a valid "shotgun", then he or she may not say "shotgun" again. By calling "shotgun" a second time, he or she would automatically forfeit their seat and shotgun is reopened to the other passengers.
Other passengers are allowed to try to trick the person who originally says "shotgun" into saying it again, in order to claim shotgun for themselves.
Amendment VIII: No Bitch
This rule states that once Shotgun has been called by one of the passengers, the remaining passengers may call, "No Bitch." The passenger who calls "No Bitch" last, or fails to call it at all, is forced to ride bitch.
Amendment IX: Seniority
In the instance that one of the passengers is much older than the rest of the passengers, he/she is automatically given Shotgun unless they decline.
Amendment X: Context
A passenger may only receive shotgun if he says shotgun within the context of calling shotgun. For instance, a passenger may not be awarded shotgun if he says, "Did anybody call shotgun?," or if he/she was talking about a shotgun.
Amendment XI: Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Section II, Article 3 of the Constitution states that , "In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline." In addition, serious Boy/Girl friends should also receive preferential treatment in regards to shotgun.
Amendment XII: The Couples Rule
In the event that a couple is traveling together, they must both sit together in either the front or back seat. This is so that people without boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes, can talk amongst themselves in the hope of acquiring boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes.
This rule however is null and void if the The No Chauffeur / Compulsory Shotgun Rule is in effect.
Amendment XIII: Abandonment
If the Shotgun occupant leaves the vehicle (even if they plan to come back), the Shotgun seat is up for grabs. One exception is if the Shotgun rider leaves to do a deed for the driver, like buying cigarettes or pumping gas. In those cases, that person retains their Shotgun rights.
Amendment XIV: The Handicapped
Section II, Article 6 states that preferential shotgun treatment may be offered to anyone "too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat". Preferential treatment should be awarded to the handicapped as well as to these genetic misfits, especially if the injury prevents them from achieving maximum leg room, maneuverability, etc. (as might be the case with a broken leg, foot, etc.) Unlike with Section II, Article 6, however, the handicapped are not to be taunted as with the genetic misfits if not awarded shotgun. Otherwise, taunting is okay.
Amendment XV: The Bribery Amendment
In the event that the shotgun call ends up in a tie between two passengers, the passengers in the tie may attempt to bribe the driver so that the driver makes the call in their favor.
Amendment XVI: The Full View Amendment
The automobile must be in full view of all passengers before "Shotgun" may be called.
Amendment XVII: Hand On The Shotgun Door
Shotgun can no longer be called once someone's hand is holding the shotgun door handle. This is significant when nobody else is around to hear you call shotgun.
Amendment XVIII: Sitting Down
By sitting in the Shotgun seat before anyone has called it, you get to stay there even if somebody calls it afterwards. Nobody needs to hear you actually call shotgun.
Source: http://www.bored.com/shotgunguide/index.htm
I did have some great friends from ATL and abroad with licenses, cars, and good hearts. Because I was not the only carless soul at Emory, I became very acquainted with the shotgun rules. I take them serious, and if you have have the misfortune of needing a ride from me, you better know these sh*ts back and forth.
Section I - General Rules
1) The first person to yell "SHOTGUN" gets to ride in the front seat.
2) The remaining back seats may be divvied up in the same manner by being the first to call "back right seat", etc…
3) The word "shotgun" must be loud enough to be heard by at least one witness. If no witness is to be found, or in case of a tie, the driver has the final word. After all, it is most likely his car. (Note: if it isn't his car, and the owner is present, the owner's decision is final. Owner must be sober, however, or he will defer his judgment to the driver.)
4) Early calls are strictly prohibited. All occupants of the vehicle (including the driver) must be outside of the building and directly on the way to the vehicle before shotgun may be called. Under no circumstances may a person call shotgun inside a building. For sake of simplicity, a garage is considered to be outside. Parking structures and detached garages are always considered as being outdoors, even if they are underground.
5) A person may only call shotgun for one way of a trip. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one cannot get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.
6) Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as women to the front seat of the car. THEREFORE women don't own the front seat.
7) One is allowed to ride shotgun as many times as he can call it, but for himself only. No one can call shotgun for their slower friend, unless the friend has a speech or mental handicap that prevents them from calling it for themselves. (I’m not as understanding…)
8) The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.
Section II - Special Cases
These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.
1) In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.
2) If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
3) In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
4) In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.
5) In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline.
6) In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three hour trip with him crammed in the back.
Section III - Amendments
Amendment I: The Laser / Shotgun Double Barrel Rule
A person may call "laser" or "Shotgun Double Barrel" after shotgun has been called, to override the shotgun call. This is only valid if the driver verifies the call as we see in Section 1.3.
Additionally, any passenger who says "No Blitz" after claiming shotgun, may not have it taken away by either the "Laser" or "Double Barrel" rules.
These rules hold no precedence over Standard shotgun procedure, and the driver has final say in all calls.
Amendment II: The Specific Amendment
Any person who wishes to claim shotgun must actually pronounce either the word "Shotgun" or "Gun." One may not say the name of a type of shotgun, such as "12 Gauge." If a passenger does, then he or she can lay no claim on shotgun, and may be called by another person.
Amendment III: The "House" Rule
The Owner of the vehicle decides which Shotgun Amendments to institute on his own car. All passengers must abide by the rules of these Amendments, which are stated in this document. This Amendment clarifies that not all Amendments need be active at any given time.
Amendment IV: Eviction
If the vehicle is forced to stop for a serious infraction of the Shotgunner, the Shotgunner must relinquish his/her seat, if the driver so wishes.
Serious infractions have been known to include spilling alcoholic beverages, spilling any beverage, being annoying, breaking parts of the car, and in extreme cases, just being ugly.
Amendment V: Navigator
The passenger who has shotgun MUST serve as Navigator. By this, he must watch out for signs and intersections that the driver may miss during the course of a road trip. The Navigator must also ask for directions out the window.
It is also the job of the Navigator to throw all trash and empty beer bottles out of the window. The beer bottles must be crushed under the tires to destroy all evidence, in case of an emergency situation.
In addition, the Navigator must possess the ability and the will to insult other drivers and be heard, only if they deserve it (ie: being cut off). This is to allow the driver to continue to operate the vehicle properly.
The Navigator must possess the ability (and the will) to roll down their window and invite any chicks in adjacent cars to the driver's destination.
The Navigator must not touch the radio or air-conditioning, especially in the case of Black men.
Amendment VI: Secondary Passenger
If a passenger is "just along for the ride," then they must sit in the back seat (or worst seat, if the car is otherwise full), because the ride is not for them.
Amendment VII: Double Shotgun
This rule from Delaware states that if a given passenger calls a valid "shotgun", then he or she may not say "shotgun" again. By calling "shotgun" a second time, he or she would automatically forfeit their seat and shotgun is reopened to the other passengers.
Other passengers are allowed to try to trick the person who originally says "shotgun" into saying it again, in order to claim shotgun for themselves.
Amendment VIII: No Bitch
This rule states that once Shotgun has been called by one of the passengers, the remaining passengers may call, "No Bitch." The passenger who calls "No Bitch" last, or fails to call it at all, is forced to ride bitch.
Amendment IX: Seniority
In the instance that one of the passengers is much older than the rest of the passengers, he/she is automatically given Shotgun unless they decline.
Amendment X: Context
A passenger may only receive shotgun if he says shotgun within the context of calling shotgun. For instance, a passenger may not be awarded shotgun if he says, "Did anybody call shotgun?," or if he/she was talking about a shotgun.
Amendment XI: Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Section II, Article 3 of the Constitution states that , "In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline." In addition, serious Boy/Girl friends should also receive preferential treatment in regards to shotgun.
Amendment XII: The Couples Rule
In the event that a couple is traveling together, they must both sit together in either the front or back seat. This is so that people without boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes, can talk amongst themselves in the hope of acquiring boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes.
This rule however is null and void if the The No Chauffeur / Compulsory Shotgun Rule is in effect.
Amendment XIII: Abandonment
If the Shotgun occupant leaves the vehicle (even if they plan to come back), the Shotgun seat is up for grabs. One exception is if the Shotgun rider leaves to do a deed for the driver, like buying cigarettes or pumping gas. In those cases, that person retains their Shotgun rights.
Amendment XIV: The Handicapped
Section II, Article 6 states that preferential shotgun treatment may be offered to anyone "too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat". Preferential treatment should be awarded to the handicapped as well as to these genetic misfits, especially if the injury prevents them from achieving maximum leg room, maneuverability, etc. (as might be the case with a broken leg, foot, etc.) Unlike with Section II, Article 6, however, the handicapped are not to be taunted as with the genetic misfits if not awarded shotgun. Otherwise, taunting is okay.
Amendment XV: The Bribery Amendment
In the event that the shotgun call ends up in a tie between two passengers, the passengers in the tie may attempt to bribe the driver so that the driver makes the call in their favor.
Amendment XVI: The Full View Amendment
The automobile must be in full view of all passengers before "Shotgun" may be called.
Amendment XVII: Hand On The Shotgun Door
Shotgun can no longer be called once someone's hand is holding the shotgun door handle. This is significant when nobody else is around to hear you call shotgun.
Amendment XVIII: Sitting Down
By sitting in the Shotgun seat before anyone has called it, you get to stay there even if somebody calls it afterwards. Nobody needs to hear you actually call shotgun.
Source: http://www.bored.com/shotgunguide/index.htm
And so it begins...
What it is folks?
I've done this blogging stuff before. I was pretty good at it as far as my ego is concerned...
Sh*t.
But I fell off because senior year of college was inconceivably, yet undeniably, fun. Sucks, but not really. I was blogging from a persona of mine: Cannon Ball. He was supposed to be a douche bag and say all the things I usually get in trouble for saying. Cannon Ball didn't do that very well though, mostly because *I* am already the best at what I do.
Allow me to reintroduce myself... my name is Josh. I am riding shotgun on my own life. Think about it though: you ever read that footprints poem where Jesus Christ picks up and carries the man through all the worst portions of his life? (If you haven't, look it up heathen.)
Well, I'm lazy enough to stay in His arms.
And seeing as how I live life in the fast lane, and prefer A/C when times get hot (and I'm notorious for calling shotgun), I rock with this metaphor.
Deep aren't I?
So I'll be blogging on all the stuff I see on my journey. Me, no persona no mask no bullsh*t. I got my Blackberry and Bud on deck so it should be a fun ride.
I've done this blogging stuff before. I was pretty good at it as far as my ego is concerned...
Sh*t.
But I fell off because senior year of college was inconceivably, yet undeniably, fun. Sucks, but not really. I was blogging from a persona of mine: Cannon Ball. He was supposed to be a douche bag and say all the things I usually get in trouble for saying. Cannon Ball didn't do that very well though, mostly because *I* am already the best at what I do.
Allow me to reintroduce myself... my name is Josh. I am riding shotgun on my own life. Think about it though: you ever read that footprints poem where Jesus Christ picks up and carries the man through all the worst portions of his life? (If you haven't, look it up heathen.)
Well, I'm lazy enough to stay in His arms.
And seeing as how I live life in the fast lane, and prefer A/C when times get hot (and I'm notorious for calling shotgun), I rock with this metaphor.
Deep aren't I?
So I'll be blogging on all the stuff I see on my journey. Me, no persona no mask no bullsh*t. I got my Blackberry and Bud on deck so it should be a fun ride.
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